Good boredom

We think of our accomplishments silly once it becomes past. I still remember studying hard for my math papers at college. They were so huge a hurdle then, now seem so small. I've gone a long way past them. I am employed now. On my days looking for this job, i learned the sour taste of disappointment, bankruptcy, even jealousy. 

Our parents always boast about us, but what can they say if your son is a 2012 graduate and still unemployed in 2013. You realize how much you have let them down when they tell you about some douche of a relative who talked all day to them about his daughter's job benefits.

I depended on my parents for months after college. They would send me money and i would spend it like my own earning among my friends who had a job and their own money to spend. My father would send me plenty to spend, but yet i remember the many times i gave him those month end calls asking for more money. I have felt the shame, in draining every bit of your father's and mother's savings to keep going, even after they gave you a quality education and all the comforts you could imagine. 

The humiliating feel of financial defeat when those college friends who had a less extravagant lifestyle than you in campus, now earn and spend more than you could ask your parents for. This was only one emotion of my unemployment life.

 I still don't know if it's right to call it jealousy, the feeling you get when your best friend gets the job instead of you. I felt sad because from then on, he will not be by my side for roaming the world of opportunities. I also felt disappointed, because deep down i knew that i was not good enough. My efforts and hard work was not enough, or i just wasn't lucky. In the end, you end up feeling happy for your friend and sad for yourself.

This job came to me as a surprise. I had applied to the post as a routine and somehow even without a great profile, i was shortlisted for the interviews. I remember having not told any of my friends about this recruitment. I had learned to think selfish from my previous experiences. Now i choose to think selfish or not according to my situations and priorities. It's much simpler to choose now, you live first and then maybe let others live.

They say you will get bored and tired of your IT job soon enough, but i don't know yet. I longed for this job for a long time, dream t of wearing the organization ID card. Maybe i will grow tired of this job and maybe it will bore me, but i hope to enjoy this boredom for a long time, and maybe find time for other hardships.